10 things I choose to love about Donald Trump (whether I like it or not)

1. He exists. Trump, just like you and me, is a seemingly-miraculous fusion of chemical properties which synergistically interact in such a way as to manifest a sentient being.

If you think about it, even a blade of grass is infinitely complex and awe-inspiring.

Let’s keep in mind how impressive it is that we exist at all.

2. We have a lot in common. He was born into this weird ass world and had to make his own conclusions about himself, society, and the universe. Just like me, even if our conclusions were different.

Also just like me, he cries, has fears, gets angry, and worries what people think of him. He smiles, laughs, experiences endorphin rushes, and probably has a relatively small penis. Just like me!

3. Scrooge McDuck. When I was a kid, I never imagined that the real-life manifestation of Scrooge McDuck could become president of the United States. The actor who actually voiced Scrooge McDuck for over 30 years, died in 2016. During Donald Trump’s rise to power. It’s almost like the McDuck torch was passed. I have no idea why any of this factors into anything. I’m weird.

4. King Koopa. Trump also reminds me a lot, physically, of Dennis Hopper’s version of King Koopa in the Super Mario Bros. movie.

Imagining Trump as an interdimensional dinosaur bent on merging the realms so that he can rule the Earth (is that what happened in that movie?) makes me smile. I guess.

What would really make me smile is a showdown of Trump vs. Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo in rocket boots. I guess? Well, yeah. That would make me smile, for sure.

5. He knows things. I could learn a lot from Trump. About business and money, especially.

Learning from him doesn’t mean I’d do what he does.

It just means I’d understand what he does, so I can do my own thing with it.

I do not have to condone his practices (of making money, and what he does with it) to appreciate that he has built a life that allows him to shit into a solid gold toilet if he wants. He could also save the world if he wanted. So, I mean, come on.

6. Our differences make us whole. If you took all the best parts of Trump and combined them with the best parts of me (and discarded the worst), you’d have… I dunno, Richard Branson or Ellon Musk or someone?

If you took all the worst parts of us, you’d have a giant pig monster from Power Rangers.

Point being, together we’re more.

On my own, I’m just me, full of ideas hindered by financial ineptitude. Combined with Trump’s money-making prowess, I’m feeding the world and sending rockets to Mars.

7. Trump gives me a great opportunity to practice unconditional compassion and empathy.

Because, frankly? Just about everything he does on the public scene rubs me the wrong way by default.

I am close with a lot of people who hate Donald Trump. I get it. I do. It’s also tricky for me to respect and love Trump’s supporters. Because… how dare they?

Well, truth be told, they have their work cut out for them when it comes to accepting and loving me, too.

People are polarized in the extremes. On both sides, the other side is always wrong and bad.

We are better off zooming out. Looking at the whole picture. Learning from each other. At very least, understanding one another, even just a little.

8. I love a good underdog story. D2: Mighty Ducks, forever. Trump might not seem like too much of an underdog in general, but as POTUS? Who saw that coming? Maybe a few did.

The rest of us made asses of ourselves, snorting and snickering about how it would never happen. Even on election day.

Then that night, I went online and checked the numbers. Trump was winning bigly. My soul seriously froze, like ice. I shivered inside and felt empty and lost. But hey, the underdog won. Surprises are fun.

Quack, quack.

9. Stood up for Bernie (kinda). I haven’t heard Trump talk about Bernie Sanders in a while, but there was a time when he called out the media for subduing Sanders. That was cool. Which leads me to…

10. Trump uncomfortably exposes our own double-standards and hypocrisy.

As he went off about the media during his campaign, people from the Left and the Right alike could not really argue. The media is on more people’s shit-lists than ever. Who trusts the news anymore?

And now that Trump is POTUS, he is following through on his promise to go to war with the media. But now, it’s not so cool anymore, is it? Kind of scary. Unprecedented censorship of the media is happening right now.

So, which is it, America? If we do not trust the media to deliver facts to begin with (unless we really, really want to hear what they are saying; then we’ll accept it as fact unquestioningly), then maybe they should be silenced until we can develop a new, more trustworthy system.

Should our freedom of speech permit the media to report biased misinformation? Should they be held to a higher standard?

I am not (as in NOT, NOT, NOT, just to be clear) standing up for Trump’s decisions pertaining to the media. At all.

All I’m saying is, this gives us a chance to look within, define our own values and make ourselves more cohesive, while having important conversations with each other about the fate of the world and what we can do to make it better.