It’s an impossible conundrum…
You’re a peace-lover who avoids arguments. Conflict is your kryptonite. You want everyone to like you. Or at least, you want your people to like you.
But you’ve also got these ideas swirling around in your being. Ideas about what you need from life. Maybe even ideas about healing the world. Ideas that challenge the norm.
When you have an idea for improving your life or the world, an automatic implication is that you see something wrong with the status quo.
Those around you get stirred up when go around challenging the current way of things. When you need to operate outside the norm, you put people face-to-face with their own paradigms of thoughts, beliefs, and values.
When you want to change the norm, that means you’re defiling the comfort zone of those who adhere to the norm.
Maybe they like the norm. Or maybe they bitterly conceded to it, and think everyone else should too.
Sometimes your decisions don’t even affect those around you, but they get all butthurt anyway. They try to fit your personal choices into their own decision-making format and it makes their heads and hearts explode.
Or maybe your grand schemes do affect others directly. Maybe you want to change the way everything works for everyone.
This can undoubtedly lead to tumultuous tides.
But hey. You know yourself better than anyone else. You’ve been in your head from day one. You know what’s important to you. You know what’s worth standing up for.
Or maybe you don’t know what you need. If that’s the case, be extra-gentle about sharing your ideas.
If you’ve got all bravado and no conviction, perhaps you’d fit in well in Washington DC.
Anyway, if you need to make norm-defying changes that are truly important to you, whether it be in your love life, in your employment paradigm, in your lifestyle, in your religion, in your anything…
And everyone and their cat has an abrasive opinion about your choices…
Then you face the ancient challenge of building or surrendering.
Standing ground or conceding.
Inventing or adhering.
If you choose to build a crystal spire in a village of mud huts, you may get the townspeople’s extra mud thrown at you.
If you offer to help build crystal spires for everyone, some might detest that you seem to think there is anything wrong with mud huts.
There’s nothing wrong with mud huts, if that’s where someone feels at home.
There’s nothing wrong with crystal spires, if that’s where someone feels at home.
Feeling at home in a mud hut but being forced to live in a spire diminishes the value of the spire.
Same goes for feeling at home in a spire, but having the world around you insist that you belong in a hut.
The moral of the story? What a world we’d have if we’d all let each other be ourselves…
It twists up my insides to think of disturbing others in pursuit of the life I yearn for and deserve.
But ultimately? It’s not my fault if they have difficulty accepting where I’m coming from, and where I need my life to go.
And if you need to make huge changes in your life, it’s not your responsibility to make sure everyone around you is comfortable.
You can design any life you want. If you’re willing to envision it, work for it, stand up for it, and manifest it, it’s yours.
Concession remains a viable option, but then you carry around guilt for the rest of your life. What if?
Some people sacrifice their friends and family for their dreams. They find new friends, make new families.
But I believe in my heart of hearts, there is always a way for everyone involved in a given life equation to win.
As we continue to evolve, the concept of “loser” will become dinosaur fossils, buried deep in a previous stratum of culture.
From an elevated vantage point, impossible conundrums fade away.
You can have your cake, eat it too, and share it with everyone you love.
(It may behoove you to bring some alternative snacks in case they are allergic to your cake.)
Also published on Medium.