“I don’t want to talk to you until you’re you again.”
“You’re selling yourself short by using drugs.”
“You’re not yourself when you take drugs.”
“I’ll never accept your DXM use, but I love you anyway.”
Imagine making a choice you deeply believe in, a choice that you truly believe will bring good to you and the world. Imagine having something you are so dedicated to sharing with the world because you believe in its profound power to create transformation and positive change. And then imagine receiving a massive amount of backlash for doing what you feel is good and right.
This post began with a tiny fraction of words spoken to Andrew with regards to his choice to use DXM (dextromethorphan), the active ingredient in cough syrup. Many assumptions, misunderstandings, rejections, and hurtful words have been shot into his heart for being passionate about DXM, something that he sees as a tool for helping to relieve emotional suffering.
DXM Use Reactions
Andrew has been perceived by others as being incapable of being warm and loving, and he has suffered the feeling of being banished by loved ones. I know and admit to having contributed to that feeling of being banished, in spite of my best efforts to fully embracing him and his choices. I am someone who has had difficulty accepting his choice to use DXM. It wasn’t him I didn’t accept; it was DXM I couldn’t accept. But I loved him anyway. I believed he was a wonderful person, and at the same time, I believed that drugs are bad and can influence you to do some things that would be out of character, and change you. And some people had told me about some of the not-so-great things he had done while on DXM. Without asking for his side of things, I just believed what I was told.
But I didn’t want to be someone who didn’t accept his choice to use DXM. I wanted to be someone who did accept it. Hearing what he had to say about it was enough for me at times, but it wasn’t sustainable.
I have allowed him to use DXM in my presence. He has done it four times with me around.
And here’s what I’ve seen. What I’ve had to see.
The first time:
He did a few things that surprised me, but I could understand why he did them. He wanted to show me how I didn’t need to be attached to certain things, such as physical belongings or finding comfort in music. He wanted to teach me what he knew. It was a bit much for me, and I felt overwhelmed. When DXM was out of his system, we talked about how I felt, and how I felt like he had been a little aggressive for me with his approach, and how I prefer to learn my lessons of non-attachment through experiential means rather than being told about it (which is how I think most things are learned). He acknowledged how I felt, and respected my feelings.
The following three times: I know he respected how I had felt during the first time I was in his presence while he was on DXM, because the other three times, he was nothing but considerate and loving and amazingly kind. From my experiences, there have been no observable instances at all to indicate that being on DXM makes Andrew a monster or a villain. I have not had any personal experiences to show that DXM makes Andrew unloving, unwarm, inconsiderate, angry, thoughtless, impulsive, mean, unfriendly, rude, unapproachable, or frightening.
On the contrary, while on DXM in my physical presence, Andrew has been loving, warm, considerate, kind, and thoughtful. He has taken the time to consider his thoughts and actions, and he has been friendly and approachable.
Yep, it’s true.
I don’t feel qualified to speak about what happens on a physiological level, so I am unwilling to discuss that. I just wanted to dismantle the myths out there that being on DXM makes you (or in the case, Andrew) do bad things, makes you a monster, or makes you fly into a rage. It’s not the drug. People can have tantrums and do things they regret and wouldn’t normally do while not under the influence of any drug, and people can have tantrums and do things they wouldn’t normally do while on a drug.
Just think about it.