I have been abused enough.
I have been underestimated enough.
I have been second-guessed enough.
I have dealt with enough double standards to last a lifetime.
I have been the vicarious object of other people’s trauma enough.
I have been punished for enough things that happened before I was even born.
I have been rejected enough.
I have been picked apart more than enough.
I may have to deal with these things in the future, from other people.
But I do not have to ever deal with these things ever again, from the people who have been in my life for long enough to know how to see and respect my boundaries and accept me for who I am.
I am transparent. I will continue being transparent. I see a reason to be transparent. It works for me to be transparent.
I’ll do me. You do you.
I won’t go into your world and point out what I perceive to be your faults. Ever again, if I can help it. If I have ever done so before, I am deeply sorry.
And if you come into my world and point out what you perceive to be my faults, I am well within my rights to erect boundaries that disclude you from my intimate circle.
I do my best to be patient. I do my best to be reasonable. These things are true.
I have spent enough of my life being depressed due to my own inauthenticity.
I have spent enough of my life being depressed due to caring too much about what others think of me, and sacrificing my own authenticity for their demands.
This simply isn’t going to happen anymore. Not now, or ever again.
Enough is enough.
No one in my life is given a free pass to walk all over me while I lay back and let them. Not now, or ever again.
I have had enough of being called mentally sick and deranged for putting love and light first.
My reactions are not always loving.
Sometimes I am angry.
Sometimes I explode.
Sometimes I call names.
Sometimes my heart is broken.
Sometimes I can’t handle the weight of my own responsibilities and obligations, and the weight of other people’s judgment of me.
Sometimes I snap.
Sometimes I break things.
Sometimes I say things that hurt people, that they’ll remember forever.
Sometimes, I don’t show the love that I aspire to walk in every day.
But this next part is important.
Long before I explode, long before I call names, long before I break things.
I tell people I need space.
I tell people I can’t engage anymore.
I tell people I am getting angry.
I tell people to please back away. Yes, I even say please usually.
Those are boundaries. I know my limits. I know there’s only so much patience to go around.
If you can’t respect me when I say, “Enough, I need space.”
Then honestly, I don’t want you in my life.
The era of being around people who stay in my space when I ask for room to breathe is over.
Because we’ve all had enough.
If you want to smother people who need space, you’re free to have friends who don’t identify, communicate, and enforce their boundaries.
And again. I’ll never intentionally come into your world and judge you for that.
Over time, my capacity for patience increases. I get a little more patient every day, so long as I am taking good care of myself.
So there may be a time when I can revisit relationships that had to be suspended.
Nothing is permanent, including conflict.
I am willing to forgive. I am willing to move on. I am willing to reconcile.
But all these things I have written. They are simply non-negotiable.
If anyone reads all these words and thinks they are signs of a mental illness, then let me say. This is goodbye.
I don’t want to be close with people who see the way I love, the way I evolve, and my way of being as mental illness. It’s insulting, patronizing, and untrue.
I know mental illness. My life has been spent within its inferno.
I know what it’s like to be ill. I know what it’s like to be free.
Also published on Medium.