High school open houses. Where everyone crawls out of the woodwork to give you money and celebrate your survival of adolescence.
Never had one of those. Dropped out of 10th grade. My second year of 10th grade, thank you.
For my brother’s open house, our mom created a few giant posters, plastered in pictures. The story of his life.
I was jealous at the time. Wanted someone to take the time to tell the story of my life. But couldn’t be bothered with high school, so…
Oh, and weddings. Haven’t been to many, but most I went to featured either some kind of collage or video featuring the bride and groom. Growing up separately. Meeting. Falling in love (or into opportune circumstance, in some cases). Saccharine, and appealing to the part of me that thrives on a good story.
Then there’s me. As far from married as it gets.
Was engaged last year, and was finally planning my own epic montage.
Didn’t work out.
So, I made my own damn collage.
The occasion is that I’ve existed for thirty-three years without dying yet.
We can pretend I just graduated high school, and you can give me money.
(Actually, I did just earn my first college degree. Just sayin’)
I doubt very many montages are accurate depictions of reality. Striking a pose for the camera is the antithesis of authenticity.
If I could show you the times when I was passed out in vomit on the floor, I would.
Or in ’06 when I blacked out on LSD and had myself a naked hotel rampage. Probably for the best that there’s no photographic evidence of that.
There’s more, that you’ll never see. My journey has been bizarre.
But honestly, if you watch my montage you’ll still get glimpses from some of the darkest moments of my life. Can you recognize them?
And some of the happiest, proudest moments twisted into the most painful when they were gone.
Consider this a self-indulgent intermission to regular programming. Been in navel-pondering mode, up the wazoo.
My recovery is in a precarious place. I’m teetering in a purgatory between lives.
Formulating an action plan to get back on track and stay there. More on that, soon.
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