Walking through life, doing the best you can…
Then, your best attempt seems to make a mess of everything.
And suddenly you realize, your journey of good intentions and noblest efforts detonated like an atom bomb, and all that’s left is a wasteland of fallout, isolation, and body odor.
You look back, and remember what it was like. To have a close-knit circle of friends. To have a job you loved. To feel connected, driven, and relatively sane.
You always did your best. Stood for what you believed in. But at what price?
Of course, I’m projecting my life onto yours. You probably have not made the same mistakes in life I have. The details of our journey are likely divergent.
But there’s an overlap. If you plug in your own details, we almost certainly have one thing in common:
There has come a time when all we needed was redemption.
For the people we’ve loved and hurt, to know it wasn’t intentional. It was a train accident, not a deliberate killing spree.
Or maybe, there have been some people we have hurt intentionally.
Perhaps we’ve reached a dismal point in which we don’t believe we deserve redemption, yet we desperately yearn for it anyway.
Or, maybe you don’t relate to this at all.
But if you do…
Then, what can be done?
How can you move on, when you’re ready to apologize but no one is listening?
How can you find redemption for destroying what was once beautiful, poignant, and essential?
First of all, lighten up on yourself, okay?
As we’ve established, you did your best.
And so did everyone else.
Everyone is always doing their best.
When they can do better, they will.
When you can do better, you will.
You may have your eyes set on what you can become, and rip yourself apart for not being that person right now.
Or you can gently lean into your vision of becoming, and build yourself up, brick by brick.
You can demand that the past offers you its sweetest reconciliation, or you can accept that what’s done is done.
If you’re waiting for the past to send you a gift basket and an apology, well, good luck with that.
The past doesn’t care. The past doesn’t even exist.
When you glue your mind to the past, you’re lost in a world of imagination. Your memories aren’t real. They are internal recreations, reenactments.
Moving pictures in your mind. Attached to emotions. Attached to you. Like leaches.
You can be a slave to your imagination, or employ it. Put it to work for you.
You can change your own memories. Make them play out differently. Explore a new version of events. Re-frame the past to promote healing.
This may seem delusional, but it isn’t.
The universe isn’t truly a universe. Uni means one. We’re existing in a multiverse of infinite possibilities.
Everything that’s possible is happening simultaneously, in different layers of the multiverse.
Right now in parallel dimensions, your past decisions and outcomes were different. And those dimensions are just as real as the one you perceive yourself to inhabit right now.
Anything you can imagine, exists in the multiverse.
So when you imagine the past playing out differently, you’re looking out a window which overlooks a field of pure potentiality.
You can experience profound healing processes through this method. You do not even need to intellectually believe a single word I am saying. Just get your heart on board, by letting yourself feel the emotions associated with a different version of events. A version of events that lifted you up instead of shattered you into a million pieces.
And see what happens.
Where did the need for redemption go?
Also published on Medium.