To what extent do subconscious emotions dictate your behavior?
Might seem like an impossible question to answer. I mean, if it’s subconscious, how would you know about it?
But maybe you’ve caught glimpses and made connections. Maybe you’ve noticed when the veil between consciousness and subconsciousness parts, and you’ve ascertained some insight into why you are the way you are. Maybe you’ve got theories. I’d love to know.
I have noticed I have an entire emotional world that I am often not conscious of. It’s weird. My body gives me clues that there is something going on inside, but I don’t always feel it. This seems especially true of fear. I notice myself sweating, or shifting uncomfortably, or doing this rhythmic tongue clicking thing I do. But where’s the fear itself? I don’t know. Deep down somewhere. I only see the echoes of it.
How did I get this way? I think part of it is that ever since I was a kid, I responded to fear by numbing myself. With food. With whatever did the trick.
Eventually, maybe all that anesthesia became a wall. Between fear and conscious perception. Or all of that self-limiting coping crammed the fear deep inside, beneath the surface, where it couldn’t be properly broadcast to my conscious systems.
Or maybe it’s like, the emotional being in me just got tired of talking to a wall, so it turned off its outgoing radio signal.
Whatever the case, that emotional world still dictates my behavior, even if I don’t consciously understand myself sometimes. Responding in fearful ways to life without feeling the fear itself is a confusing ordeal. It’s like flying blind, and the controls go haywire.
It seems like it would be nice, to not be aware of my own fear.
But want I really want is just reality. Congruence. Alignment. Harmony among all components. Recovery from the ill-fated coping patterns of my youth.
And all that’s possible. Inevitable.
So, what about you?
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