When Personal Momentum Stalls

All is well.

Momentum established, a rock rolling down a hill.

Hands on wheel. Foot to the pedal. Destination in mind.

The catalyst for derailment is unknown. A thought? An emotion? A shifting subconscious tide?

Only the result is clear, as reflected by my face in the rear view mirror.

A haziness occurs. Optical output is distorted. The physical world wears a blurry mask.

Momentum ceases. The rock stops rolling, stilled by an invisible wall.

In the mirror, a slight smile forms at the corner of my mouth, but I feel no amusement.

I’ve seen the smile before, but let’s not dwell in the past.

Something secret within me, is amused and pleased, by this subversion of expectations. Of this perversion of momentum.

Is the smile evil?

Is it demonic?

It it my bane and destroyer?

Or is it just misunderstood?

This comes from a place I cannot see clearly.

But I am learning to feel my way lucidly, through that which cannot be seen.

An interpreter of the subconscious realms. An understander of the unfathomable.

I significantly doubt that I will ever get an academic degree in Psychology. Alas, I can help myself more than any psychologist I’ve ever been to.

My degree in Psychology is from other worlds, where pieces of paper with human symbols on them, earned through years of arduous study and economic debt, aren’t the ticket to credibility. A world where pure knowledge, wisdom, and practice speak for themselves.

Psychology is a mere aspect of this puzzle, at any rate. It is connected to the quantum and macro principles of the multiverse and the authority that subjective beliefs have, to paint the subjective experience of reality.

In a multiverse of infinite possibilities, my subjective beliefs and expectations determine which layer of those possibilities my experience resides.

What are my beliefs and expectations about that “evil” smile in the rear view mirror?

Do I believe and expect that an evil force is rising up from within me to inflict havoc on my life?

In a multiverse of infinite possibilities, that outcome can surely be arranged.

Or, do I believe and expect that the universe always takes care of me, sometimes through mechanisms that I don’t immediately comprehend?

In a multiverse of infinite possibilities, that outcome can surely be arranged.

So no, that smile is no demon.

I choose to see the smile as my Higher Self, winking at me, saying, “Relax. It’s going to be OK. I see something you don’t. That momentum that you were so happy about, was taking you somewhere that you thought you needed to go, but I had to interfere for your own good. Trust me.”


Also published on Medium.