When You Wake Up Feeling Smaller Than Your Dreams

Do I wake up every day and know that all of my dreams and visions will come to fruition exactly as they play out in my mind?

Uh, no.

I woke up this morning with lingering memories of some of the times I’ve been way off the mark.

Sometimes, it was because my intuition hadn’t collected enough information and my judgment was based on faulty preconceptions.

Other times, it was because I clung to my dreams like a bar of soap in the shower, and they ran away because they couldn’t breathe within the confines of my desperate grip.

Once in a while, I was straight up full of it. One of my grandmas would say that’s why I have brown eyes.

I could give plenty of examples of missing my mark.

Anyone who is keeping track of my mistakes, trust me. My list of my own mistakes is bigger than yours. Nobody has a bigger list of my own mistakes than me. Nobody. 

I’m not embarrassed by my mistakes. I used to be, but not anymore.

I know I’ve always done my best with the current mental, energetic, and environmental resources available. Every time I come up short is an opportunity to reassess and figure out how to do more with less in the future.

As an aside, I also know everyone is doing their best within their current limitations. That’s an integral aspect of the secret to hating no one.

So, between you and me, here’s the truth.

Some days, like this morning, I wake up and laugh at myself a little bit for my own ambitions.

I laugh, because the road ahead is insane.

Or at least I’m a bit insane for walking it.

But I am OK with that.

I’ve learned how to hold a bar of soap in the shower, and I’ve learned how not to suffocate my own dreams.

I’ve learned to detect when I am being driven by insufficiently-fueled intuition, and I’ve learned how to pause and pursue knowledge and counsel from those I trust to bolster the integrity of my judgment and output.

I’ve learned how to take care of myself, pace myself, slow down when I need to, and put the pedal to the metal when the situation requires.

I have also learned to laugh at myself comfortably and in moderation. Laughing at myself without laughing myself all the way out of town.

This is another one of those, “me, me, me” posts. That’s because this is what I would be writing in my private diary, if I had one anymore.

I’m writing this for me, but I’m letting you see it.

Sometimes I write for you, and let myself see it.

I also appreciate when you write for you, and let me see it; or write for me and let yourself see it, etc.

We can always find each other in the details and rhythms of one another’s stories. But only if we look. Only if we share.

So, if you ever wake up and feel like the life you’re dreaming up might just be bigger than your britches, you’re not alone. You can either run from it, or get bigger britches, or do nothing and wait for it all to fall apart from undernourishment.

If you want my opinion, my vote is for bigger britches. I know this really great seamstress, who lives really close by. In your heart and in your mind.

Don’t you think we’ve sold ourselves short enough?

Haven’t we sold our dreams out too much already?

A broken dream is not a flawed dream. Not inherently. Don’t hold it against your dreams if they didn’t come true. That’s the pathway to not having dreams, but you are fundamentally meant to dream.

Dreams break because they weren’t protected and nourished. So when we drop the ball… Miss the mark… Come up short…

These are opportunities to identify what’s missing, and then learn to provide it next time. To provide for ourselves, and for those around us.

Providing for others in this way (while practicing boundaries so that we don’t over-exert ourselves) and helping their dreams come to fruition has a profound butterfly effect, as it seems built into most people to model and share what they’ve found meaningful and inspiring. Otherwise known as paying it forward.

So, dream big. Live large.

Or, I don’t know. Don’t.

I’ve known some people who were content without big dreams. My mind could hardly comprehend it a few years ago, but everything has its rightful place. Big dreams, little dreams, medium dreams. Hot dreams, cold dreams. Euphoric ones, and even nightmares. Dreamless sleeps. They all have their place.

Whatever you’re all about, you have your place. And I love you, and I will always peacefully fight for your right to be you.

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